Which Donnie Darko character are you? by Shay

Was going to make chocolate balls. Didn't have enough butter, so made pourridge instead. Tasted all right with the proper overdose of strawberry jam, I guess.

I'm alive and all. I'm just not taking the situation with Tanja very well.
It's not nearly the same reasons that made me feel less happy when I last wrote on oh-how depressed I was.
Right now I just wanna throw up. Because I can't take it. I simply can't. Most of you people know what T and I went through last spring, when we were still together and well. It sure isn't making things any better right now. To say the least.
I'm damn well not ready to get Tanja out of my life just now, when some big parts of me depended on...at the very least, just the contact we had.

I know it's just who I am, but...
godammit, I'm such a romantic.

www.bookcrossing.com
When all else fails

Angsty as fuck. Dare not write about it. Damn.
Listening to Placebo and (egad!) -Sugababes-...

When writing log book this evening for the project work on WW2:s Japan, I felt that my arms were awfully tired, but I couldn't find a reason to why.

It took me a while to actually remember that I donated blood earlier today. X__o That might just be the cause for it, you know...

Need friend.

The Yaoi Selector: Which Seme are You?
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The Yaoi Selector: Which Uke are You?
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Yeah, like whatever.

Couldn't sleep until 4:50 am.

Got up and followed advice I'd gotten from Tanja these last few days, when we'd been arguing, and watched the two last episodes of Evangelion.

Time is now around 6:am, and I still don't feel very sleepy... But Tanja was fucking right.

For those of you who have seen the series to its end, you might begin to understand what some mere anime episodes, like the last ones of Eva, can really do to you. I more or less realised that I'm very much like Misato's character[Her, as well as Shinji's depressed little ass, are struggling to get some room inside my brain], in that I can get really dependant on staying with someone I [close to] love, in a relationship. If I'm strong enough to admit it to myself, I probably only felt completely good, when sleeping with Tanja, laughing with her, doing things I loved to do, _with her_. Because no one had never really filled me up, and made me acceptable to myself, like her, before.[Or hang on a sec! maybe....I just read too much into anime endings..? XD] But that's probably the reason I've been acting like the dope around her lately, but that has to change some way or another. Really. Soon. [and maybe I should stop this pathetic rant, before I embarass myself even further, yes..?]

(On a sidenote I am happy that I won't have to rely on the other person this much, in every relationship I might get into, which was thankfully proven by what a girl called Linda and I had[when I actually thought I had gotten over Tanja], from early December to late January)

Either way, this is more and more making me realize that I'm not always great in putting my thoughts into words. Will do my best in studying like a madman until Thursday tho. And then I'll possibly try to change things I''ve grown tired of, like my lack of enthusiasm for things I actually love, this blog, the homepage, my reluctance to writing things [letters and essays], and, and...well, that's a start. does that sound like a promise? Haha, I sure don't hope so.
Responsibility <-- scary